Jeanne, my wife of 28 plus years, passed away on February 8, 2007. I cannot describe to you how it feels to lose someone who you have been living with for that length of time. But I can tell you how I lived afterwards. If this ever happens to you you do need something(s) to keep you going. If you don't you will suffer too much and your life will probably end too soon.

No One To Talk To.

Probably the next worst thing about Jeanne passing away was the loss of someone to talk to on a daily basis. Jeanne and I always talked all the time. We talked about what to have for lunch and/or dinner, what to shop for, who to visit and when, etc.. We were pretty simple people and only cooked what we liked and when we liked. There was no set time for meals other than being somewhat close to noon and 6PM. It was always a contest to see who would determine the menu for either meal and who would cook it. Lunch was fairly easy as it usually consisted of a sandwich and soup. Dinner was generally something we had in the freezer, Jeanne was excellent at keeping the freezer full of things we could prepare quickly, i.e. meat loafs, hamburgers, brats, etc. Now, all this was done by me with no console from anyone.

There were days when I would not see or talk to anyone. But most days I went to the golf course to practice or play a few holes and I would talk to the Pro Shop Staff but only for a minute or so. So, I was basically by myself nearly 98% of the time. Sometimes Larry and Janet would come over for a visit on the weekend but they would only be here for a few hours or so.

If you have never lived alone you have no idea how hard it is to keep yourself busy. Fortunately, I had our cats, Cali and Peanut.

Our Cats Saved Me!

After Jeanne passed away it was me and our cats, Cali and Peanut. I am not sure what I would have done without them. They seemed to sense that something was wrong, i.e. Jeanne would never be there again, and spent a great deal of time near or on me, more so that when Jeanne was here. When we first got Cali and Peanut we only let them outside if one of us, mainly me, were with them. We both knew that there were hawks in the area, always looking for food, so we never let them out by themselves. As I was the main "watcher" I would take them out for about 45 minutes. I sat in one of several chairs reading. The chairs were spread around the backyard which ran down to Lake Hartwell (when it was near full pond). A month or so after Jeanne passed away I was out "watching" them and reading a book. I tried to read a page or so and then look up to see where they were. At first I was able to keep track of them as I "knew" most of the places they liked to go. But soon I found that I lost them, i.e. they went someplace where I couldn't find them.

Trusting The Cats Outside By Themselves.

Now, out backyard, and the neighbor's backyards as well, are the US Corps land and generally pretty well covered with trees and brush. If I didn't keep a close eye on them, Cali especially, I would lose track of them. One day, I got so mad at myself for losing track of them, and the mosquitoes were really bad, that I went inside and tried to watch them by looking out from the sunroom. It was very hard for me to leave them alone outside as I was terrified that something bad would happen to them. After all, Cali and Peanut were all I had now. Anyway, within an hour, with me going outside and calling them every 10 minutes, they came home. Where they had been was a complete mystery to me. From that day on I decided, after must thinking and worrying, that I would let them out by themselves and trust them to not get lost. This was not an easy decision for me as I told you they were all I had.

The First, Real Scare.

I knew it might happen but I hoped it would not. One day I let them out and, when I went out to call them in, Cali didn't come in and was no where to be found! I was frantic with worry. Where could he be? I checked the entire back area, the neighbor Corps area on either side of our home and several neighbor's area of the other side of my next door neighbors. No Cali! It was summer and he was usually inside within an hour or so. But this time he was outside for over 3 hours and I was really worried sick. Where could he be? I searched outside several times, calling his name all the time but I didn't respond. Finally, some three plus hours later he ran up on the deck when I called him. I cannot tell you how happy I was and how mad I was at him for staying out so long. But he did come home and I learned to trust him more and more.

The Second, Really Scary Time!

Cali was always the last one to come in ... and the first to want to go outside. Peanut was more of a follower, i.e. if Cali went out so did Peanut. I normally did not let them out after dark. Who knows what would be out them hunting around for some nice fat cats to eat! If I let them out within an hour of darkness I could count on them coming back inside within a half hour of darkness. One day I let them both out about 4:30PM (winter time). Cali came back in about 7:30PM but Peanut stayed out. I should mention that Cali wanted to come in if I let them out too long. Cali could wait for me to let him in by sitting the on railing by the grill watching the windows for a sign of me coming to the door.

Anyway, this one night Peanut didn't respond to me call him. Now, I generally went to bed between 9-10PM each day. It became close to 9:30PM and my constant calls for Peanut didn't work and I didn't see him. I put on my shoes and got my flashlight and hunted for him all over the place. I looked for him where I usually would find him but no Peanut! It was past my bedtime and he still was not inside. About 10:30PM I went to bed but I couldn't sleep for worrying. I even got dressed about 11:30PM and drove around the area looking for him. I never saw him.

I would dose off now and them, wake up, go to the door to the deck, open it and call for him. No Peanut. Finally, about 3:20AM I woke up, went to the door and looked outside for him on the deck. Nope, still no Peanut. As I was getting ready to open the door to call him I looked down and there he was, sitting by the door waiting for me to let him in! It was to him as if he had not been gone for almost 9 hours. It was, "Hey, Dad, let me in now." I cannot tell you how excited I was to have him home again.

After that I learned to trust them more and more outside by themselves. And they learned that they could get me to let them outside just about anytime other than at night. We fell into a routine, I would let them out when I first got up in the morning about 6AM, again about 10AM, again about 2PM, and again (last time) about 4PM. They began to come back inside after an hour or so, sometimes quicker if it was cold outside. So they have a great deal more freedom now and I think they enjoy it. But they do stay around home and usually come back in if I call them ... well, usually.

They became so 'dependable' outside that I found myself going to the store or golf course when one or both of them were outside. But only if the weather was warm (above 50F and no rain). Most times it was Cali that 'stayed' outside when I needed or wanted to go someplace. But, as I only lightly trimmed their toenails I knew they could handle themselves if need be. Well, the only real threat were hawks but 99.99% of the time their were in heavily treed areas.

My Golf Game

I was very grateful that I had our cats, or kitties as I call them. But I had at least two to three other things that occupied a bit of my time, one of which is golf. You can read about my commitment to golf at Senior Golf and Left Handed Golf.

Late in 2005 I found I could swing a golf club left handed with out back pain. So I start a plan to get back to playing "good" golf again. Little did I realize that the path was long and hard, very hard. The 'long' was that it was 2008 and I was still not able to play with others due to my embarrassment at being such a poor golfer. If you read my golf memories you will learn that I was a very good golfer, single digit handicap index and Southern Oaks senior champion four years running.

Our club, Boscobel Golf Club, doesn't have a practice facility like many golf courses. All they have is a large field, about 275 yards long and some 50 yards wide at the widest point next to the 15th fairway, where you could practice using your own practice balls. The 'range' was far enough away from the club house that management allowed any golf to use a golf cart for no charge to go there and practice.

There are only 3 places you can safely hit from and not be in the way of others practicing. So, I generally tried to get to the range early in the morning when I would be the only one there. I would hit about 60 balls up the range about 100 - 130 yards and then go up and, using another club, hit them back. This would take about an hour and a half. Due to my consistent slice I had to hit balls so they would not endanger golfers on the 15th fairway. As the range was parallel to the 15th fairway I would hit from the greenside end of the range to the teebox side of the fairway. This way any slice would not go into the 15th fairway.

After hitting about 100 balls or so I would pick them up and head back to the club house and the practice green. My putting has never been that good so the practice was a great help in improving it. All in all, as the club was about 14 minutes away it would take me about 2 - 2.5 hours to practice. Again, always by myself. Then it was back to the kitties and no one to talk to. Sometime I would go to the club twice in one day just to keep myself busy and not thinking about the empty home I would be returning to.

My Computer

If you have found this page than you probably figured out that I have put a great deal of time in building my web site. And I continue doing so. Occasionally, I would receive emails from people looking for help on building web pages. So, I try to update my pages as needed. Unfortunately, I don't spend enough time of this, mainly because of the so few people who find my site and send me an email question.

Christmas Time

My first Christmas without Jeanne was in 2007. I didn't decorate the house for Christmas as Jeanne did most of that in the past and it just didn't seem right to have decorations without her. Larry, Janet, Aaron, Cheryl (Aaron's wife), Josh, and Thomas came over on Christmas eve dinner which I prepared. It was a pleasant time and everyone had fun opening presents and playing games. I went to Larry and Janet's Christmas morning but only stayed while their finished opening their presents. It was so sad to be there that I told them I would not do Christmas again. Christmas brought back to many memories of Jeanne as ever since I knew Jeanne we had spent Christmas with her kids and their kids. It was a lot of fun then but no more now. I greatly appreciated there coming over and inviting me over for Christmas morning but no more - too many memories. We had always took a group photograph of all of us but why take a photograph if Jeanne is not in it? If she is not there then no one is there.